What Spirituality is All About

For most of my life, I didn't understand love. I didn't have parents who mirrored it to me. I heard it proclaimed often in a high-control religion I was a part of at the time, but the only thing I felt was fear. Honestly, the only person with whom I seemed to get a taste of the feeling was my grandma. She showed me unconditional love. I didn't have to do anything; just being with her, just existing, I felt the love radiate from her to me. I still feel that with her. She embodies love, and without her, I think my life could have turned out a lot differently.

When I was 20, I married a guy I thought loved me. I believed love was supposed to be passionate—arguing, and fighting for and with the other person. It was supposed to be confusing and frustrating. When he left me less than a year later, I felt crushed at a soul level. The disoriented view of myself that I had built my whole life was shattered, and I was left with hateful thoughts that I hurled at myself day in and day out:

I will never find love.

No one will ever love me.

I am unworthy.

There is something wrong with me.

I always felt an itch inside me that there was more. Life wasn't about heartbreak and anger. It wasn't supposed to be just how I'd only known it up until that point. And so, I decided to relentlessly pursue answers and healing.

It took a lot longer than I'd like to admit.

But unlearning takes time, especially if it involves the very foundation your life was built on.

My life changed after my ketamine treatment, when I finally found what it was I was looking for: radical self-love. I learned to be kind to myself and to forgive my mistakes. I wouldn't speak awfully to myself, and I certainly wouldn't let others do so either.

That's when I discovered that by loving myself, I could finally love others. I want to reiterate that—you can't love someone else unless you love yourself, and that goes the other way as well. Once my cup was finally full, it overflowed, and I wanted to share more. I wanted to share joy, trust, connection, and comfort. If I felt fear, I knew it wasn't love. Fear is the antithesis of love.

I say all this because spirituality is love. That's it, it's really that simple. It's connecting with yourself, and in turn, with others. When you see a psychic, I think they should provide insight into your life where there are roadblocks to this love and connection. They shouldn't instill fear, but instead lift a veil. It can be uncomfortable, but at the same time, you should leave feeling better than before, not worse.

I think in The Forty Rules of Love, Shams Tabrizi says it best:

"There are more fake gurus and false teachers in this world than the number of stars in the visible universe. Don't confuse power-driven, self-centered people with true mentors. A genuine spiritual master will not direct your attention to himself or herself and will not expect absolute obedience or utter admiration from you, but instead will help you appreciate and admire your inner self. True mentors are as transparent as glass. They let the Light of God pass through them."

I think I'll write another post about finding a good psychic versus a bad one, because there is a lot of misinformation out there. But for now, I will just leave you with this: you are love, you just need to look within yourself to find it.